A series of photos has emerged proving that Russian President, Vladimir Putin, hasn’t aged since at least 1920. Many are speculating that the former KGB strongman is immortal, and some suggest that the animal-loving ruler of the Russian Federation may, in fact, be a vampire.
Vampires Don’t Cross Themselves
We dispute that claim, here at the Compound, and for several reasons. Unlike a vampire, Putin is frequently seen in daylight and has a reflection. He also goes to church, venerates icons and receives Communion. Vampires do none of these things.
Vampires Don’t Venerate Holy Icons
However, Putin has clearly found the key to extreme longevity if not “immortality.” This suggests that he may have found the Elixir of Life, and possibly the Philosopher’s Stone, which turns base metal into gold.
So we call the question. Is Vladimir Putin an Alchemist and if so, what does that make Barack Obama?
You, the reader, be the judge.